Something I learned from my beloved meditation teacher is related to the concept of “beginner’s mind” where I had to learn to sit with the discomfort of being terrible at something while also feeling completely overwhelmed with too much all at once since I knew so little about the subject at hand.
When I first learned how to raid in an MMO, I was quite terrible and clearly had no idea what I was doing โ pressing random buttons here and there while not knowing what openers and rotations were. I was constantly pulling half my weight of what my class was intended to do. I was so bad people left the raid team because of it lol. The hardest part for me was finding the courage to look at my logs to see how I was actually performing and come to terms with that. Thankfully, I was in a supportive group with friends who were *incredibly* patient,ย understanding, and willing to point me in the right direction. Once I was able to face the reality of my own performance or lack thereof, it gave me the inspiration and motivation to do better. I did not want to be the dead weight of the group, constantly being carried by others, and I wanted to do my part to contribute to the team’s success.
Through consistent and persistent study, daily practice, frequent self reflection, and diligence, I was able to catch up to my peers within months. In order to deal with the overwhelm, I tackled each piece a bit at a time. When I felt I understood one concept, I moved onto the next and built upon the last. Sometimes I had to juggle multiple concepts at once but I only took on what I felt was within my limits.
Stretch a rubber band too little, not much happens, stretch it too far and it snaps, finding that correct balance of knowing how far to stretch seemed to have done the trick for me. This required me to check in with myself from time to time to see when I needed a break or to decompress. I also needed to maintain a certain level of self compassion, celebrating small wins here and there, acknowledging how much I was actually dealing with to not make an already difficult process even more harrowing. I had to learn how to become my own cheerleader.
Over time, with more of my foundation built and each piece synergizing with one another, it became easier for me to learn more and to build upon my existing and ever growing raiding knowledge. It felt so rewarding when I started noticing various puzzle pieces snapping into place.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson โ it’s okay to be absolutely terrible at something as we are all beginners at something at some point in time. But finding the courage to face reality, knowing where I actually stood in relation to where I needed and wanted to be, keeping an open mind, having some level of self awareness, becoming clear on the path ahead, having a supportive environment, having the interest to self improve and challenge myself did amazing wonders for my personal growth.
While I no longer raid, as I believe this experience had served its purpose and I desire to devote my time to other endeavors, I can still look back fondly on the journey of where I had started and where I ended up and feel proud of myself for sticking with what was incredibly difficult, never giving up on myself. I feel humbled by the experience and grateful for the friends who were willing to hang in there with me while I magikarped (flopped) my way into my Gyarados evolution (mastery). The invaluable lessons and insights that I had gained from learning how to become a better raider apply to other areas of my life as well and continue to have a lasting impact on how I approach new things.
Is there something difficult that you’re dealing with now that can benefit from a bit of beginner’s mind and self compassion? If so, just know I’m right there with you supporting your personal growth journey from afar. Follow the light from my lighthouse and work towards building your own beside mine. Take all the time you need and please remember to be gentle with and kind to yourself โ you’re worth it. ๐ช๐ป๐ช๐ป๐ช๐ป AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!!! ๐ช๐ป๐ช๐ป๐ช๐ป
P.S. whenever I see 12:34 I like to remind myself of this phrase: “One step at a time” which helps me feel better especially while going through growing pains.