A good friend of mine mentioned, after hearing my previous recording, that she loves classical music and I said me too! We were both shocked to find out that the other liked classical music lol. We’ve known each other for over a decade and had no idea. We bonded quite nicely over that and our love for the movie Amadeus. She shared that Debussy is one of her favorite composers back in the day and I was like whaaaaaaaaat? The last piece I learned before I quit piano school is from Debussy! How synchronistic!
It’s kind of funny how I had been so tight lipped about my past interests. I don’t believe a majority of people I know are aware of all of the things that I used to be into like classical music, rubik’s cubes, and k-pop. I guess maybe when I went through life and my dark night of the soul, I really shoved everything that meant something to me far away and didn’t share too much about myself. And as I’m excavating my memories now, a lot of things I used to love are surfacing again. It’s wild to think that since we’ve known someone for so long that we must know them well but nope, there’s always so much to learn and discover! Not only that, so much I’ve forgotten about myself and my own interests as well. We can never really know someone 100% can we? Not even ourselves.
Something that I had rediscovered about my past is how much I enjoy finding little things to bring joy to the people I care about. To surprise my friend, I decided to record the first two pages of Arabesque as that’s all I can remember well atm considering how rusty I am lol. Thankfully, the recording process wasn’t as arduous as Nausicaä’s since I’m much more familiar with this piece but it was still an interesting journey watching my fingers go out of bounds and needing to retrain them properly. Getting to the recording that wasn’t ladened with mistakes came much sooner than expected. Although, I might’ve accidentally added a few extra keys towards the end of what I’ve shared but that’s okay, it’s my special gift to y’all! kekeke 😏🤪
I sneaked my friend an early preview of my recording of Arabesque and after she heard it, she said that she enjoyed it a lot and that it is really suitable for me energetically. I was surprised to hear that too!!! I had no idea that music can have an energetic match with people! She also mentioned that this piece is one of her favorite pieces by Debussy. Who would’ve thought that the only classical piece I can remember how to play also happens to be one of my friend’s favorites lol. Double synchronicity!!! 🤯
I wonder if my piano teacher picked this piece for me because it was an energetic match 🤔? If so that’d be crazy cool! Oh, btw this piano teacher isn’t the abusive-fear-mongering-control-issues one that I mentioned in a previous post, this one came after. I liked her better! I think if I had quit piano while still with my abusive piano teacher, I probably never would’ve wanted to touch the piano again because of the trauma and disgust. I actually do not remember any of the pieces I had learned from him. I’m just glad I have a piece that I can remember the last piano teacher I had by.
My mother always reasoned that if it weren’t for the abusive teacher’s strictness and high demands, I would not be able to play piano at the level that I do. While I can understand this reasoning and do see the logic behind it, I think the emotional trauma was also quite damaging lol. And so it’s like okay yeah, I can play well but also traumatized??? So I can’t really tell what’s actually better but I can say that I do appreciate the level of excellence my abusive piano teacher had required from me so that I had something high to reach. Just next time it’d be great if we could leave the abusiveness and emotional trauma out lol. My friends and I spoke briefly about this how in order to play an instrument well, we almost have to be obsessive and psychotic about it and usually that comes at a price with some things that are undesirable.
Anyway, whenever I don’t play the piano for a long period of time, I always try to remember how to play Arabesque because after some refreshers and a good amount of practice, I can play it without needing to reference sheet music. There’s no other piece that I can play from start to finish by heart. Usually, I find that if I can play this piece well again, then I am pretty pleased with myself 🤣
I actually found an old recording of this piece saved on my piano from like… over a decade and a half ago? And wow, the difference is stark! For some reason, how I play it now sounds SO different from how I used to play it back then. I wonder if it’s because I developed a new relationship with music after my dark night of the soul journey where I can actually feel into the music now, whereas before it was more technical and robotic? Something about clearing away internal “gunk” that has allowed me to connect with music differently these days. I wonder if having balanced and evolved energies can also impact how we experience music 🤔. It was pretty cool to have the two recordings side by side and to be able to hear the differences. I’m way too embarrassed to share my old recording so I probably won’t lol. Anyway, proof of growth I assume? I hope to grow more and get better!!!
Fun fact — this is the piece I performed to get into my HS for their music program but I ended up choosing not to attend and stayed another year at my JHS. I then ended up getting into that same HS again the following year, but this time for their art program lol. BTW, this is the school where I met my twin flame!!! I guess fate ensured that we would always meet there 🙃
Oddly enough, earlier in the year while I was struggling to remember what the room was where my twin flame and I had met, a long lost friend had suddenly reconnected with me and through our conversation, they had inadvertently reminded me of the location! It was the counselor’s office 🤣 lol. I guess I spent a lot of time there.
I still remember when my twin flame walked into the counselor’s office with a mutual friend and immediately caught my attention. I was like, “Oooh~~~ who dat…👀? … Me likey 😍!” That room became our sacred meeting space where our friendship would blossom. Senior year was rough, preparing for college and AP exams, but I always looked forward to finding them in that room — each time, a delightful moment that would brighten up my stressful day. Interacting with them always left me happier and with a sense of harmonious peace in my heart. I think their soothing presence grounded me.
Upon reflection, I’m still in awe of how divinely orchestrated our whole journey has been. But I do have a lot of questions! For example, I actually would really like to know why my twin flame decided to transfer to my school that year? I don’t believe they told me the exact reason why. I just know they had moved from another state but I feel like there’s more to the story they didn’t tell me… 🤔. I think at the time, I thought my twin flame was low key gangsta and assumed they used to run a gang in their previous state. After a big wild fight broke out, they had to flee to my state and lay low, starting a new and anonymous life lol. In hindsight, knowing how sweet and gentle their heart is, that makes absolutely no sense, but back then that’s all my wild imagination could come up with. You can’t blame me though! They were SO independent and the worldliest person I knew at the time, and I was always like wowwwwweeeeeeee by their stories considering how extremely sheltered I was. But yeah, it would be nice to get some factual answers and to clear up any other confusions we might have about each other so I don’t have to continue thinking they’re the head of some gang on the run lol.
Another fun fact — I wanted to learn Clair de Lune because of this commercial. But then lazy, so nahhhhhhh 🤣. It’s one of my fav Debussy pieces tho! So magical!!!
Anyway, I still want to record a better version of Nausicaä without all of the mistakes before I attempt to record Arabesque in full so it’ll probably be awhile until I can get a full recording. Hmmm… but then I actually know this piece way better than Nausicaä so perhaps this one would be easier to record first 🤔? And what if y’all prefer my mistakes? Maybe I can even add more! Lemme think about this. Stay tuned 😎
Hope y’all enjoy!!! ❤️
P.S. A bit off topic but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY LEGS!!!!!!!!!! I finally did like 10 weighted squats and now my legs have turned into jelly. I’ve been OW-OOH-OOHing with every step that I take. Stairs have become my arch nemesis. Even my joocy booty is in pain. Da fuq 😫😫😫. If any 1st gen mommies wants to baby mode and pamper me, I’m totally down!!! I’m okay being baby —— CHAOS baby!!!
*plops on da sofa with my blankey
