BTW, I mentioned in an earlier post that I had a theory my twin flame is a gangster on the run. I know it sounds crazy and so I wondered why this thought even came into my mind. It didn’t really make much sense. So, I took some time to search through my memories and… I think I got it!
There was this one day, over two decades ago, where I had met a few of my twin flame’s family members for the first time and I think emotions might’ve been a bit… tense? I got the sense that their family is incredibly close and perhaps knowing that my twin flame would be so far from them was not something the family was too keen on, especially not the mamma. She did NOT seem pleased at all. Her energy that day definitely trended towards confusion and displeasure. I could be wrong though, but that was the hunch I got.
Idk what it was. Maybe it was watching my twin flame’s mother pace back and forth without a word, surveying the area, speechless at what she was looking at. Maybe it was the way she was dressed — straight out of a Chanel lookbook — or how regally poised she was. Maybe she was disgusted at the living conditions wondering why her child decided to “slum” it, playing homeless for fun, when the world’s their oyster. Or maybe it was all of those movies I’ve watched that had influenced my imagination. Unaware of the exact reasons for her displeasure, that perhaps the living conditions weren’t up to par for her standards, my immediate gut feeling that day was oh… is this lady going to string me by my toes if I say or do anything inappropriate with my twin flame? Gulp. This chaos baby better behave…
When I conjure up the image of my twin flame’s mother to mind these days, while the face is somewhat fuzzy, the phrase, “Jugeullae?!” appears, which is a lighthearted way of saying, “Do you wanna die?!” I was too young back then to understand why I felt that way, but in hindsight, mamma carried major B.C.M.E. — Big Chaebol Mamma Energy. One look from her and I might soil my pants. I have no idea if she is indeed a chaebol mamma, but she definitely gave off that energy BIG time.
To be fair though, my twin flame’s mother, whom I will now refer to as Lady BCME, has never actually said anything menacing to me before, and I’m sure she tried her best to be as cordial as possible while quietly contemplating her child’s life choices, so idk why I’ve associated that phrase with her. But I’d imagine it probably came from all those k-dramas and movies I’ve watched in the past. If I remember correctly, I think the female lead in My Sassy Girl liked to say it a lot to her male costar and I must’ve somehow linked it to Lady BCME lol. Why I’d automatically think that all Korean women like to say this phrase as easily or often as, “Mwo mwo mwo mwo mwo” is beyond me, because I’ve never heard any of my Korean friends say it, like ever.
I wonder if my first impression of Lady BCME had already registered major “gangsta vibes” into my brain and so when I thought back about why my twin flame might’ve moved to my state, I figured those same gangsta vibes must run in their bloodline. Gangsta mamma breeds gangsta offspring. Ergo, twin flame is gangsta too. It’s just how things work. I guess it runs in the family.
Til this day, I think I still have fears that if I even blink or breathe the wrong way towards my twin flame, Lady BCME & Co. will chase me down, waving their gangsta knives, guns, and machetes in the air, whilst chanting, “Jugeullae!? JuGeULLaE?!? JUGEULLAEEE?!??!” in unison.
I’m not as in shape as I used to be and I definitely don’t have as much stamina these days. I can’t run that fast, my legs are relatively short, and unfortunately — Lady BCME & Co. are all taller than me. At most, I can probably push out a quick 10 second sprint with all of my might and then black out from complete exhaustion. Then, they will definitely catch up to me and have their way with me. I’m doomed.
Why did I have to be born so short? Why didn’t my ancestors anticipate my future need to outrun BCME gangsta families? Aren’t we supposed to be a forward thinking family? What happened? Who dropped the ball? This is such an oversight in the lineage. I’ll need to talk to our family’s manager. I want a refund.
To be fair though, I’ve never seen Lady BCME & Co. wield any sort of weapons or display any sort of aggression, so it’s definitely all in my imagination. But still! Considering how tight they were? Imagine if I made a wrong move — I could suddenly end up in a ditch somewhere! Yikes!
I was also afraid how many fingers I’d lose each time I accidentally touched my twin flame so I had to keep my fingers to myself. Thank goodness I still have all of them or it’d be difficult to play the piano. I guess I’d need to resort to using my toes. But what if they wanted to chop those off too? Not mah toes, not ALL of the little piggies! Then I really can’t play the piano anymore! How will I force people to listen to my piano mistakes if I can’t even make any? Sadge! Although, now that I think about it, with how classy and powerful Lady BCME looked, she might just have one of her goons take me down. No need to do the dirty work herself.
I wonder if this is why I was so afraid to make any moves back then either. Aside from my low self worth filter and codependency getting in the way, the looming fear of death and body parts removal made sure I never did anything remotely inappropriate or disrespectful. I had to always keep a respectful distance just in case, otherwise my life would have been on the line. Scary.
In hindsight, I’m pretty sure it was just protective vibes from loving family members that I perceived to be a bit hostile. I don’t think they meant any harm. In fact, I vaguely remember my twin flame’s sibling being very gentle hearted as well, just as sweet as my twin flame, but maybe because “the fam” wasn’t overtly smiling and expressing joy during that time, for various reasons, I just interpreted their overall protectiveness and seriousness to mean something more lethal. I’m pretty sure that’s what it was and that I was just being silly with my imagination.
Sometimes, I do wonder what it’ll be like to meet my twin flame’s family members again. Will I see gangsters in front of me ready to skin me alive or will I see them accurately for who they are now? I’m curious to find out, if that opportunity were ever to arise. Hopefully it’s the latter lol.
I also wonder if Lady BCME will have the same impact on me now as she did in the past. Maybe now that I might have cultivated a bit of my own BCME as well, post dark night of the soul journey, perhaps I can recognize it in others? BCME recognizes BCME? You spot it you got it? It’ll be interesting to see if that’s truly the case. I have a feeling it might be considering how I’ve been feeling and acting lately — one of my dear friends is going through an ordeal and my inner BCME keeps raging out. Protective super saiyan mamma bear energy keeps wanting to erupt. If I weren’t too cute for jail idk what I would’ve done already. That’s been holding me back. But… that’s a story for another time.
Anyway, just a theory. No facts to back this up. Whether my twin flame’s family has gangster blood in their veins is beyond my knowledge. But I just thought it would be interesting to trace back and share how I even came up with my bombastic idea.
P.S. Speaking of knives, when I was preparing food the other day, I wasn’t paying attention and cut myself on my finger. I have a boo boo, WAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!! At this rate, I might not need to wait for Lady BCME & Co. to remove my fingers, I might accidentally cut them off myself. I better get paid for this if I’m going to be doing their job for them 😩🥺😭