For some time, I’ve been thinking about all these random things that I haven’t been able to share yet about myself, unable to find proper places to slot them in. They started piling up big time and I suddenly had a thought to just make a list and share them all at once! Hopefully this list can give you a more well rounded idea of who I am as a person.
Let me warn you ahead of time tho… if you’re expecting some exciting person here, you’re in for a rude awakening. I’m boring AF irl 🤣
Here are some random facts about me that might not be totally apparent:
DAILY LIFE & ROUTINE
I’m a natural night owl — though that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m up all night. Sometimes it means I wake at 3 or 4am and start my day in solitude. I just really need my alone time on one end of the day, whether that’s late night or early morning. But I noticed I tend to prefer to be up wee hours in the night/morning when everyone else is asleep.
I know I might be chaos baby on the blog but I am very incredibly boring irl lol. Usually if I’m not in my bed, I’m on the couch. I’m constantly working with my mind, exploring concepts and ideas no matter how dumb or unhinged, so I’m all in my head. Coming up with chaos baby thoughts requires a lot of stillness, okay?!
I can appear to be exceptionally lazy, always lounging around somewhere, but I don’t consider it to be that. I’m just storing up my energy for the things that will eventually need my energy. Some people might call it bed rotting, I call it bed marinating. The longer we marinate, the more the flavors will seep in and the more delicious the results will be 😏 and according to this guy on instagram, my “laziness” is a wealth magnet, bayybeeeee!! Y’all welcome for my sacrifice!!!
I need A LOT of sleep to function properly. If I don’t sleep enough for a prolonged period of time, that’s usually when I get sick. Sometimes I need to sleep at least 10 hours to feel satisfied. I also prefer to sleep alone if the person I’m with is disruptive to my sleep and vice versa. I think quality sleep is extremely important for mental health and wellness and should be taken seriously!
I legit do not need to leave the home. I can stay inside for weeks or months and be fine. Maybe I’ll bust open some windows for fresh air but I am very happy and content being homebound. This doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy going out at times but my desire to be home is way disproportionate to my desire to be out. If I’ve managed to step outside of the home at least 1x every two weeks, that’s a major win for me lol. This doesn’t mean I can’t go out more often but if I don’t have a reason to, I naturally won’t go out. I also have to be cautious as my immune system is quite delicate, I think because of my sensitivities, so I have to give myself enough rest time between each outing. According to my friend, we are delicate flowers 🌹
A very successful day for me looks like:
- getting out of bed without pulling a muscle
- stretching
- doing my morning routine in the bathroom
- making a nice breakfast / brunch
- lounging on the couch with a hot cup of tea
- doing my dailies for my Arknights
- thinking up stuff for my blog / writing
- listening to music
- getting off the couch without pulling a muscle
- playing a bit of piano (sometimes)
- enjoying a nice dinner
- walking on the treadmill
- shower and bed
- most importantly… feeling peace and tranquility through the day, and not accidentally pulling a muscle
I haven’t driven in a long time. So long that by now I figured it’s probably safer for everyone if I don’t take the wheel anymore lol. If I need to I can, I just prefer not to, for the safety of everyone involved. Although I’m sure practice can help — if there’s a need I am totally open to working on it. Just biding my time until those self driving cars become more reliable 🤣
PREFERENCES & PERSONALITY
I don’t prefer to do chores alone. I prefer to do them with others, like a group activity. I know it has to do with my childhood with an uneven split of chores. However, if things get too gross for my standards, I will do it alone. I have limits on what I can tolerate. Dishes are an exception though. I don’t have any issues loading the dishwasher myself lol. Maybe because it’s such a daily thing that I’ve gotten used to it by now. I guess laundry isn’t a big deal either but I always appreciate the help.
I don’t really have a sweet tooth. I like savory more. I’ll enjoy desserts from time to time but they’re not my go to. Unless it’s asian flavored ice cream. I love ice cream but it doesn’t love me 🍑🚽😩
I’m not sure if this is due to my hypersensitivities but I seem to have an issue eating certain foods especially if it’s science food. For some reason, especially this year, my sense of taste appears to have changed dramatically and I have become much pickier with food. I had a blast with food in South Korea and Japan tho, the food there was AMAZING. Even room service was exceptional. But back home it feels like something is not quite right with our food??? Also, I don’t like how sweet the food is here. Feels like sugar is added to everything. I think that’s why I’ve been really enjoying cooking for myself again.
I’m relatively simple. Going to Wholefoods is considered a fun date activity for me lol. Although these days I just get my groceries delivered.
I *need* personal space often to process things. Basically a space where I can be alone without needing to tend to others’ energy. I love my personal space and time so much that when I found out I was going to be spending my birthday alone, I wasn’t even mad. My reaction was oh good, more time to myself! Talk about simple and boring — I started the day with an online morning meditation with a dear friend, vacuumed the entire house, talked to my mom on the phone, cooked myself some nyommy foods, and lounged around all day. I had a blast 🤣
I do not watch TV often. Once in a blue moon, I’ll find a show I really like and binge watch it. But otherwise I rarely use the TV. Same with movies. However, I do tend to be on my phone a lot 🤔 but it’s mostly either connecting with friends, playing Arknights, finding relatable memes/reels to send to friends, or writing for my blog.
I think I have troll energy sometimes or perhaps it’s just chaos baby energy 🤔??? So, I play this Sudoku game from time to time and there’s a weekly tournament ladder where players can compete in. I sometimes enjoy creeping up to second place, but with points super close to first place, like I can overtake them at any time, so they know I’m there. And sometimes, the first place player goes absolutely nuts and then it’s off to the races, often with a massive gap in points between us and third place. It’s the funniest thing on earth to me because I don’t even care about winning lol. Getting first place in the tournament means absolutely nothing to me, the race is the fun part. Nothing like a nerdy sudoku race to get our hearts pumping, amiright??? I think of it as I’m doing the first place player a service — giving them a formidable contender to play with so they don’t get too complacent, and motivation to work out our brain muscles together. I had to stop though, after catching a really bad cold, because ain’t nobody got time for nerdy unhinged trolling while recovering 🥲
I love tiny things because they help me feel like a giant. I’ve always been extra tiny for the longest time, always in the front of the line in class until I had my growth spurt. I prefer smaller eating utensils than larger ones. I find brussels sprouts fun to eat (even though they cause all sorts of digestive issues for me) because I feel like I’m eating tiny heads of lettuce. OM NYOM NYOM!!! Hmm… maybe that’s why I like being in East Asia, most people so tiny. I’ve never seen the tops of so many people’s heads. I’ve never felt so tall!!!
Speaking of tiny things, I loveeeee gashapon. I don’t mind having multiple copies of whatever I’m gacha-ing for. Build up a lil army. I came home from my vacation with bags and bags of gachas 🤣
For some reason, I default to using chopsticks for noodles. Using forks for noodles seem wrong to me. But also, chopsticks help me control my eating so I’m not shoveling food into my mouth lmao.
I love egg sando even though I think it smells like toots 😩. It’s also ridiculously simple to make so maybe that’s why I like it?
I love Korean pears because they’re so joocy. I love persimmon too!
My culinary skills are a high risk high reward type of situation. Sometimes it might be an amazing meal, sometimes we’ll be running to the bathroom. We never know. Good luck!
I can get impulsive at times and super excitable when something catches my attention, like a dog staring at a squirrel. However, I will respect people’s boundaries if they need me to chill. But when I get excited, I get super excited.
I tend to acclimate to others’ way of being that are close to me. For example, if I’m around people who eat healthy and well, that will positively impact how I eat. If I’m around people who don’t eat well, that will negatively impact how I eat. I guess it’s a form of codependent accommodation? I’ve had to become quite vigilant about my food boundaries especially when food is pushed onto me while “coming from care.” Thankfully, I’ve been able to maintain those boundaries. It’s just exhausting to have to constantly re-enforce my boundaries, but maybe it’s just practice for me to always check in with myself to see what I need and to say no without feeling guilty, which I guess is good.
I don’t drink alcohol as I am allergic. However, I can eat food that’s been cooked in alcohol. I guess as long as the stuff gets cooked out it’s fine? I don’t mind if people want to enjoy a glass of wine with their meal with me if that’s what they enjoy. However, I cannot tolerate people around me getting blacked out drunk. I lived with someone like that in the past and it was an awful experience. Zero accountability. Pretty sure they were an alcoholic. Pretty sure there was some brain damage as well.
I get extremely annoyed and angry when I feel my boundaries are constantly ignored or pushed. I think this was a natural byproduct of my individuation process, where my boundaries that were porous are much stronger now, with certain ones being non-negotiable. For example, any boundary that can compromise my inner peace is non-negotiable.
This might sound petty, but I’ve noticed I have zero sympathy when narcissists face consequences of their own actions. I won’t actively seek revenge or cause harm, but I also won’t pretend to feel bad when they ruin their own lives. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes 😊
When my friend showed me a video of her child dancing, I was like oh… that’s soooooooo cute! But then I noticed that’s how I dance as well lol. Apparently, I dance like a 1 year old but with slightly more coordination. I’m not sure how I feel about this.
Through my esoteric studies, I’ve come to learn that our words and thoughts create our reality and so I am extremely particular about the words that I say and the thoughts that I hold. There are some things I refuse to say or joke about because even the possibility of them becoming true isn’t okay with me.
Keeping my word is very important to me, so I try my best to follow through. However, not everything always goes according to plan and so as soon as I realize I absolutely can’t follow through, I will do my best to let those involved know and try to make things right.
If it’s not a hell yes for me, it’s a hell no. So I’ve been using that to guide my choices. Sometimes I’ll go along with things even if it’s not a hell yes if I think they’ll bring value to the group in some way shape or form. But for the important things, I try to look for that hell yes because if I were a yes to everything, I’ll become drained and I won’t be able to show up fully for the things that really matter to me. Another indicator for me is persistence. If I can hold an interest in my mind for a prolonged period of time, it signals that something genuinely resonates with me and is worth pursuing.
While I self deprecate in hopes to share laughter, I do not appreciate being the butt of other people’s jokes. A joke here and there is fine, but if it’s constant and feels like it’s targeted / bullying then I’m not okay with that. I’m fine making fun of myself because I know myself, I just don’t desire that from others.
Idk if this is obvious, but I often find my own creations very entertaining. Sometimes, I will read my own blog to be entertained, laugh at myself, and laugh at how stupid the stuff I think up can be. The number of times I’ve laughed like an idiot looking at my own grape drawing and asked myself why is it so damn stupid looking lmao 🤣🤣🤣
Creating safe spaces where people feel truly seen matters a lot to me. I didn’t have that growing up — I was often someone’s emotional punching bag. So I know how valuable it is to feel genuinely safe with others.
While I don’t have any children of my own, I absolutely love, adore, and cherish those around me — like my nephews and my friends’ children. In order for me to want to have children with the person I’m with, there needs to be a compelling reason and not just, “We will need people to take care of us when we are older.” I don’t believe in bringing children into the world just to have future caretakers. I’d want to raise self-sustaining, independent leaders who aren’t burdened with guilt or obligation to care for us as we age. If that’s also what my partner wants then I can be open to it. I’m also open to adoption or other means. I don’t need the child to be biologically mine to have love for them. I actually feel so much unconditional love inside when I interact with (most of) the children I know that it feels incredibly fulfilling for me. Plus, I get to be the fun aunty!
SENSORY & ENVIRONMENTAL NEEDS
I have hypersensitivity issues. I have a tough time with loud noises, strong smells, and negative energy. I have an incredibly strong sense of smell and sometimes it feels like a curse lol. I usually can smell things that others around me can’t. When someone’s constantly angry or upset, I find it difficult to be around them for long periods of time. I enjoy being around peaceful people and being in calm environments where folks are more in control of their emotions and want to naturally create a peaceful space.
I love modern contemporary and minimalist design.
I’ve come to learn that while I am low-key, I have limits. For example, I cannot fly for more than a few hours in fart class (economy). The sensory overload isn’t worth it. And there must be something wrong with our American diet/lifestyle because some people be hella stinky. It ain’t like that in Japan, at least not from my experience, economy smells totally fine. Thankfully, the Universe is on my side and has provided great accommodative upgrades for flying internationally. Fart class avoided, whew!
I no longer enjoy vacationing in the U.S. I’ll travel domestically to see friends, but for leisure travel I’d rather save up for East Asia trips.
My favorite seasons are spring and fall. I am not a fan of extreme weathers. I do prefer warmer weather over colder weather though. 75~ F degree weather is perfect for me.
I am very sensitive to caffeine so I have to be careful with what I consume. I tend to drink herbal teas like chamomile, peppermint, rooibos, hibiscus. I do enjoy occasional jasmine / green tea / matcha though!
RELATIONAL NEEDS & CONNECTION
My primary love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. Gifts are nice too but it depends.
I absolutely love being nurtured! Having my hair stroked feels so soothing and wonderful to me ❤️
Sometimes I like to latch onto people like a koala. It feels comforting to me.
Meals are quality time for me — I prefer conversation and presence over phones, but I can adapt if needed. I just really enjoy connecting with people, having deep and meaningful conversations, or even silly conversations, while enjoying a delicious meal together.
I’m okay with silence. I do not find it awkward. If someone wants to sit silently with me I’m all for it. Some of my favorite moments are just existing quietly in the same space with someone.
I love parallel activities — being near someone while we do our own thing. But there’s a caveat, as long as we are both self contained and not draining each other. If I feel drained by the person I’m with, I’d rather be alone in my own space. I think because I’m so sensitive to energy, the energy of the person I’m around matters a lot. This doesn’t mean if someone’s having a bad day or dealing with something I’m like GTFO of my space. As long as their baseline energy isn’t constantly negative it’s fine. I understand we all have things we go through from time to time, myself included, so it’s not going to be positive vibes all of the time.
I need long uninterrupted stretches of time to focus and concentrate in order to think/create. My brain doesn’t work well with constant interruptions. Hence my deep need for solitude.
I’m extremely loyal once someone is in my inner circle, but my circle is incredibly small. That said, I still have boundaries and won’t allow for abusive or manipulative behavior.
I notice things but I might not always say something. Usually out of fear of embarrassing the other person. Especially after having gone through individuation, things I notice (e.g. projections and shadows) stick out like a sore thumb to me and I often cannot unsee what I see. So, just because I don’t mention things doesn’t mean I haven’t noticed. But if something bothers me enough, or has caught my attention enough times, I will try my best to find a way to convey what I’ve noticed in a compassionate manner. However, if the other person is completely hardheaded, then I might opt to take a very direct-with-tough-love approach to pierce through the hardheadedness.
While I can get defensive at times when called out, I will spend time to consider whether there is any truth to what was said, especially if it’s from someone close to me. If I do find truth in their statement, I will put in the work to adjust what was brought up. As long as what is said is actually true and not someone’s shadowed projections or manipulations, I will appreciate the honesty as it helps me become aware of my blind spots and to grow. Not all advice is helpful, no matter how well intentioned, some come from people’s unprocessed shadows and fears.
I absolutely value, love, and cherish my friends who are emotionally responsible and mature. This means they take responsibility for their own emotions, know how to draw and set boundaries, know how to communicate, and are respectful — they don’t constantly blame others for their own feelings.
Sometimes I will randomly send love to people I know (and also apparently people I don’t know). I just hold them in my heart, send loving energy their way, and tell them I love them. Recently when I was walking through a train station, I saw someone crouched down on the floor with their hands over their head. I wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but my sense was they might’ve been in a bit of distress. As I was walking by, I placed my hand over my heart and sent some unconditionally loving energy their way. Maybe around 5 seconds later their head suddenly popped up and it startled me so I immediately walked away lol. Maybe they received my love??? 🤔
HOW I PROCESS
I’m the type who can listen to songs on repeat for days/weeks when it resonates. They just become background noise at some point and I think it’s soothing for my brain.
I process things best by writing about them, hence why this blog has been incredibly therapeutic for me and the content flows out quite easily. My challenge with my blog usually isn’t how to come up with content, it’s usually how to remove content lol. And figuring out how to pace the release of content, and balance the type of content, so that I don’t overwhelm my readers. Talking helps as well, hence my 8 hour phone calls with my bff lmao.
APPRECIATING OTHERS
While I have no desire to learn makeup myself, I enjoy looking at people who apply it well. To me, it feels like artistry and I am very drawn to aesthetically beautiful works of art. I appreciate and admire the skill and meticulousness of the artist, perhaps because I feel I don’t have the skill or patience to. I guess if I need to be made up I’d let someone else do it or hire a professional, or I can try myself and risk looking like a clown lol.
While I think it’s completely batshit insane for people to pay $500+ per foot for shoes, I can appreciate and respect their love of shoes and think it’s very cute. I think it’s wonderful for people to have different passions than I do.
I’m OBSESSED with Rachel McAdams in the movie EuroVision.
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Okay I think that’s all I have for now. Hopefully this relatively comprehensive list gives you more insight into my psyche, way of being, interests, preferences, and a bit of insight into my daily life.
Chaos baby, OUT!!!