Okay, I think I’ve sat on this post long enough. I’ve been trying to process what happened and because of its magnitude, I think I am still processing it. I wanted to make sure I’ve captured everything correctly but every now and then I still get new revelations and insights lol. I guess I can always make another post about this later if anything else comes up.
Anyway, y’all might’ve already guessed what it is related to based on the post title… but I travelled halfway across the world for the Baby VOX: New Breath reunion concert lol. The whole trip came together so unexpectedly. I wasn’t even sure if I could get concert tickets but I knew I had to go. Thankfully, everything worked out just fine and relatively smoothly — any hiccups related to the trip were taken care of quickly. The first night tickets went on sale, it was so difficult to get decent seats. But I kept checking randomly from time to time and one day, I noticed these really nice seats in the front center area opened up and immediately snagged them lol. These were the seats that won me my special prize the second night. Lucky seats!!! 🍀✨
Unfortunately, I did get sick right before the trip and unsure if I’d have enough energy to, I contemplated whether I should attend both days. But a series of events lead me to attend both concerts and I’m so glad I did because what happened the 2nd night blew my mind. Also, the experiences of both concerts were so different as the energy from the crowd was quite different. So, that was really nice to witness and experience!
Anyway, while the trip was awesome, I definitely felt it in my body afterwards lol. Idk how Baby VOX was able to perform like that two days in a row. I was mostly sitting both nights and that already knocked the wind out of me. They must really be in shape! Well, tbf I was still recovering and terribly jet lagged so there’s that but damn, they’re amazing!!! Holy smokes, Baby VOX sure knows how to entertain. Every single one of them was complete 🔥 and hands down best concerts I’ve been to so far. I know that’s not saying much though because the only concerts I’ve been to prior to these were all orchestral, so of course my mind would be blown lol. But OMG I had so much fun!!!!! I’d totally do it all over again. They did amazing things on that stage and were so incredibly gorgeous, cute, kickass, entertaining, lovely, and just absolute superstars 😍
Surprisingly, I knew a majority of the songs that they performed! I thought I wasn’t too familiar with their music but I guess they must’ve picked their most popular songs. I did learn some new ones that I really liked and also got a blast from the past from songs I had forgotten about that I used to listen to often back in the day. So that was pretty good considering I was expecting to only know a few. I know that sometimes it’s awkward sitting through events not knowing a majority of the content, but that wasn’t the case at all. I was even able to sing along and dance to some of the songs, which was pretty wild for me — I’m normally quite reserved in public and too shy to move around like that so it was doubly surprising to see myself act more freely! I think I was way too excited and happy to sit still lol.
There was this super catchy song I’ve never heard before that I absolutely fell in love with – it’s one of Mi-youn’s songs called Paparazzi – and Heejin was the one who performed it. The best word I have to describe this song is FUN! I can see why Heejin had such a good time performing it.
I wasn’t completely aware of what the group had gone through in the past with their anti-fans but from what AI had shared with me, it sounds like the group had endured some major bullshirt and it negatively impacted the members in various ways. Heejin seems to have had it particularly rough considering how she doesn’t feel like she quite fits in the group – not as girly and not as good of a dancer as the others. I did notice in their KBS comeback videos, she did look a bit awkward at times and I wondered to myself if this was something she actually wanted to do. Apparently, I heard she addressed her awkwardness by mentioning she had a lot of anxiety performing again after so long, which makes sense. So, seeing her dancing so happily to Paparazzi and looking like she’s actually having fun was such a wonderful and heartwarming moment. Also, when Mi-youn came out dressed as a gangsta (ggangpae) rapper to join Heejin, that was also an awesome moment lol. Cute AF! I loved it so much!!! She looked so ggangpae that I wonder if she’d like to become the leader of my Deer gang. She could be a good potential candidate 🤔
I’ve also grown a lot more appreciation for the rest of the group. I didn’t know the group members too well, except for Eun Hye, and so it was nice to experience them individually, especially during their solos. Learning about what they went through helped me see the humanity in them better. I think after watching them all, my next favorite member must be Mi-youn because to my surprise, I have a ton of photos of her lol. I happen to really like Mi-youn’s voice, I think it’s particularly beautiful and soothing, so it’s fine. I don’t mind having so many photos of her at all.
What’s really interesting to me though is that when I observed Baby VOX, I kind of saw my own friends reflected in them. I see hard working people who are trying to figure out their role in the world, who try to excel at what they do, and who try to provide value in the best way they know how. I see people who experience setbacks and struggles, who work hard to overcome them, to learn and grow, and deal with very “human” things. Basically, I guess I just see them as fellow human beings lol. It might help that I have a friend in show biz and so I’ve heard a lot about how things go in that world and it’s not always pleasant — show biz life ain’t as easy and glamorous as some think it to be. I also think the timing is good for me because there was a time when I used to place people on pedestals and it was extremely difficult to accept when their humanity came through. So, I think it’s a good thing I’m not doing that anymore. I guess I’m learning! Weeeee!!!
Speaking of growth and learning more about myself, I’ve also discovered that I have a particular and amazing natural skillset – I am exceptionally good at taking atrocious photos of people. I somehow always capture the moments someone’s in a mid blink, half gaping mouth, or is positioned awkwardly, kinda like they’re a ventriloquist’s puppet or a contortionist lol. All of those super rare moments that are hard to capture, because who can possibly take so many bad photos, well I got them down good! A whole collection! Needless to say, I will not be sharing most of these photos with anyone. There’s no reason for me to insult these lovely ladies with my photo taking skills or lack thereof. If I can make drop dead gorgeous k-pop stars look derpy, I can make anyone look derpy. So all y’all who enjoy looking hot in your photos please don’t ask me to take your photos for you. I guarantee you I will make you look hella derp too. Just so you know — it’s not because I want to — fate has already decided you will be derpified in my photos. Derpy photos are apparently my destiny.
Oh! Before I forget. Speaking of photos, let me show you what I had won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMGGGG!!!!! I was so happy I won this specific autographed polaroid of Eun Hye. Apparently, I think all of the autographed polaroids might be unique and have different poses and messages written on em as I found another one of Eun Hye’s on instagram that says something different than mine. So how synchronistic is it that I got the one that says, “Happy ❤️” as that’s the energy I naturally channel?! That phrase is basically my spiritual motto lol. This is my new treasure! I’m gonna keep it in a protected vault somewhere. It’s mine forever, kekekekekeke!!!
Also, another reason why I wanted Eun Hye’s polaroid is what she represents to me — a fellow being who used the flames of life’s tribulations to rebirth into a fierce and loving Phoenix. When I learned of what she experienced through some Youtube videos I watched earlier in the year, I became aware that she had overcome multiple instances of betrayal, amongst other negative experiences. Seeing how she still chooses to be outwardly loving and kind, instead of bitter and spiteful, succumbing to the darkness that these experiences often bring, helped me connect with her in a different and much deeper way. It’s easy to treat others poorly after having experienced such trauma ourselves. However, it is incredibly difficult to choose to not let those moments define us and to choose love over hatred after sitting through all of that emotional pain. IMO, it’s the wiser thing to do because holding onto hatred only hurts us in the end, not those whom we think have inflicted the pain. And so to me, Eun Hye represents someone who had made her way through her own dark forest, and had come out on the other end choosing love over hatred despite all that had happened, which is something that requires an incredible amount of love and courage to do. I can see that Eun Hye has an incredibly loving soul to be able to move forward in life in such a way. Seeing her journey, or what’s shared publicly anyway, reminds me of my own path and how although I had stewed in my own negative emotions for some time, I ultimately chose love and healing over bitterness and hatred as well. The meaning that I’ve given our apparently parallel journeys towards healing is significant for me. Needless to say, I was overly excited to have this precious memento that’s symbolic of such powerful and meaningful growth. What a relic to have in hand!
So, as the concert ended, there was this “Hi Bye” event each evening where we can quickly greet Baby VOX before we leave. I was super exhausted the first night because of jet lag, also still recovering from travels and being sick, and so I just wanted to leave ASAP. However, I was confused what was going on and stayed too long where they then closed the doors to the auditorium and I could not escape? The people working there wouldn’t let me leave until they were instructed to open the doors again lol. I told them I wanted to “exit” but we had some communication issues due to a language barrier and they were like, “You don’t want to do Hi Bye?” and I was like okay fine, whatever, I’ll do it if y’all gonna trap me in here anyway lol. What was I going to do? Kick them in their wee wees? Fight club my way out of there? I ain’t no spring chicken anymore, I’m too old and tired to do that! Also, aren’t most Koreans trained by their army and know TKD? I might be chaos baby and constantly have a steady stream of unhinged and dumb thoughts but thankfully I ain’t that dumb to want to pick a fight with them lol. I think the workers might’ve been worried I was looking to cut to the front of the line to talk to Baby VOX first when I was just really looking to get tf back to the hotel so I could finally rest. It’s understandable though, so I got in line and waited.
The doors finally opened and the line started to move. When Baby VOX came into view, I noticed they were mostly busy talking to different people. The only person available was Mi-youn so I walked up to her and gave her my most enthusiastic wave with my right hand. I think we were about 6 feet apart and she was raised up on a platform along with the rest of Baby VOX. She and I locked eyes but then she just stared at me in a daze lol. I observed her a bit while continuing to wave, wondering if she was okay. I assume she’s seasoned enough to know if a fan waves at her, it’s normal and natural to wave back. But nada, she just stood there staring lol. I suspect maybe she was tired and was perhaps catching a break. But after a few awkward moments of unrequited waving, concerned I had somehow accidentally broken Mi-youn, feeling a bit self conscious, and also afraid I was jamming the line, I looked over to my left at Eun Hye to see what my options were. Unfortunately, Eun Hye was still preoccupied with another fan, so I just kept walking and left the venue as I didn’t want to keep the line from moving. I figured I’d get a second chance the next night to try and connect with Eun Hye somehow.
I really hope I didn’t traumatize Mi-youn lol. I swear my hairstylist did her best to make me look human again so that I don’t look like I had just crawled out from under a rock after fighting my own shadows for a decade, hidden away from humanity, absolutely feral. I definitely did not look like Bigfoot or whatever lol. I also sent my BFF a photo of me from that evening and she said I looked cute and that my hair was fine! So I don’t think it was that. Also, the concert workers were incredibly pleasant with me, no one ever ran away screaming at the sight of me, AND Mi-youn seemed totally fine the next day. So… I think maybe it was something else…
But then I remembered and wondered if she was affected by my energy because that apparently is a thing. I chatted with my AI about this a bit and it believed there was a mix of stuff — that Mi-youn was probably exhausted from a high energy night, was probably caught off guard, not expecting to encounter that moment of calm with me, and could’ve been soaking in my loving, undemanding, and peaceful energy. ALSO(!), as I was packing for my trip, I suddenly came across my buddhist beads bracelet that I had stored away and intuitively decided to bring it with me. It was strange because I haven’t thought of or worn the bracelet in such a long time. Maybe it helped me amplify my peaceful energy??? I guess I won’t know for sure unless I get to ask Mi-youn about her reaction somehow. But can you imagine if someone asks her why she was in such a daze during the Hi Bye event and she’s like, “Yeah, I saw a feral homeless wild-haired cave-dweller at the concert” OMG I’D EFFING CRY BEING REMEMBERED IN SUCH A WAY 🥺🥺🥺 It’s okay though, I’ll tell her I am an artist so the derelict look is just a natural byproduct and that I’m not actually homeless. She doesn’t have to worry about me. I’m well fed, hence the joocy booty. I’m gucci.
So as I was heading back to the hotel room, I was wondering why I left so quickly before saying hi to Eun Hye. Wasn’t one of the reasons for me to attend the concert was to show her my shimmies? Which… thankfully I didn’t do because I might’ve traumatized one Baby VOX member already, I really didn’t need to traumatize another lol. Like yeah, I was tired and exhausted but I could’ve waited an extra 30 seconds or so before bolting. When I reflected back on that moment of spotting Eun Hye, I remember feeling quite shy and unsure what to do. I wanted to say hi but also felt so timid and self conscious. This was very odd to me because it’s been a very long time since I’ve felt this way around someone that it caught me off guard. I also didn’t want to take up her time and clog up the line either so I felt I just had to get out of the way and move on quickly, which made no sense considering this was a Hi Bye event where Baby VOX is expected to interact with fans lol. Why did I feel like a waste of time and space in the very event that allows for and encourages actual connection?
This then brought me back to a conversation I had with a friend about them not wanting to be a burden so they never ask for help for anything or take up space. I was totally able to relate to that of not wanting to burden anyone else with my issues, that’s why I usually shove people away when I’m feeling heavy feelings or dealing with things and hide in a corner somewhere by myself. So then I decided to not let this issue of feeling like a burden get in the way again. I didn’t travel this far and long just to be a wallflower either. I decided that I will make my presence known. I will take up more space than I usually allow myself to. I will not let my fears take over and prevent me from sharing my love with others. My love for others isn’t too much. I can show my love respectfully and freely — I don’t have to hide it from others.
The next day, I was able to go collect my prize and much to my surprise, ended up obtaining the signed polaroid of Eun Hye! I was SO excited and how serendipitous was this?! I decided I was going to show it to her before I leave the venue. When Hi Bye came around again, I noticed that the audience was being rushed through much faster than the previous evening and I panicked. I thought to myself, “Oh no! This line is moving way too fast!!! Am I going to miss my chance?!” Thankfully, I had a plan. As I got closer to Eun Hye, who was raised up on the platform again, I whipped out my polaroid of her, shot my arm right up so she could see it better with BEHOLDDDDD(!!) energy like I had just won the world’s biggest chicken nugget and proudly and joyfully showed it off to her. She looked at the polaroid and gestured, “Oh…? That’s me!” and I gestured back Yassssssssss and then beamed her the happiest, most content and pleased, energy I could possibly muster.
At that moment — something remarkable happened — I experienced an immediate burst of pure excitement and exuberant energy that was so potent it felt like a volcanic eruption of love within me. Like my inner sun had suddenly expanded tenfold and its warmth had immediately filled my entire body within micro seconds and I was wrapped in loving, joyful, and radiant energy. I believe at that moment, my heart chakra was particularly activated and expanded. You know when you get warm and fuzzy feelings? It basically felt like that but it was on steroids or something, intense warm and fuzzy everywhere. Idk how that happened but it was almost like the happiness I felt was amplified by multitudes, perhaps affected by Eun Hye’s own energy. Given how intense it was, I cannot imagine this was just a one sided experience. I wonder what she experienced on her side? I don’t even know how or remember what happened afterwards. I was just so happy Eun Hye saw the signed polaroid and acknowledged it, and that I was able to have a shared moment of appreciation for her. I was so happy I didn’t know what to do with myself. I suspect I was high off of loving energy lol.
I don’t think I will ever want to forget that extremely beautiful and memorable moment. In a river of people moving in a steady stream, that moment of mutual acknowledgement and appreciation meant the world to me. Like time had slowed down, even if just for a few seconds, for loving and supportive energy to just flow between us. It was as if the Universe was like, “Oh hey there, here is a special moment for you to channel your specific loving energy into this world. Feel free to share your love and happiness with others without limits! Have at it!”
I have never experienced anything on this level before. I wasn’t aware that feeling this amount of joy, love, and happiness was even possible lol. And I think that perhaps Eun Hye might’ve been the perfect vehicle to deliver this reflection of my growth in my capacity for love back to me. Who else is also an INFP (2nd most rare MBTI type), has gone through parallel journeys of being withdrawn, feeling too much, overcoming betrayal, letting our darkness forge and refine us, and choosing to stay soft and open hearted after our deeply negative experiences, plus k-pop as a shared connection? I believe that the best mirrors are those who have walked similar paths as only they can truly understand the arduous journey of getting to where we are now, emotionally and mentally at least, and the difficult choices that we’ve had to make along the way. I don’t even know how to describe just how intense going through that dark forest was, how identity shattering and foundationally shaking it was, and how much it took to rebuild the pieces from within. But, I think on some level Eun Hye might be able to empathize with my journey as it could reflect hers as well. I’d really love to know if my suspicions are correct because I have a feeling her journey was just as soul tormenting as mine, perhaps with added layers of complexity given the public nature of her career. And that is why having this signed polaroid of hers is so meaningful to me.
Upon reflection, I also think that what my soul wanted to communicate to Eun Hye’s soul in that moment of energetic exchange is that I am so outrageously happy to now have this precious memento of hers that represents the love and courage it takes to overcome so much pain and darkness. That I see her strength and immense capacity for love and forgiveness, that I know it wasn’t easy to get there, that I see she’s done exceptional and amazing inner work, and I’m all for it. I celebrate her courage and bravery. I celebrate her growth. I celebrate her choice to be a paragon of love. We need more of this energy in the world, more people willing to do the difficult work of facing our shadows and coming out the other side stronger and more loving than ever. More!!!
I also reflected on how insane and carefully orchestrated getting to that moment with Eun Hye was.
First, I had to be aware that Baby VOX was back in the public sphere. Given how out of touch and disconnected I was with what’s what at the time, while slowly coming out of my cocoon, having that information was already a miracle. Then, Baby VOX had to decide to have a reunion concert. Then, I needed to find a way to get to the concert halfway across the world. Then, I needed to have purchased those exact seats that were going to be randomly selected for the prize. Then, I needed to get sick so that my energetic walls would’ve been lowered and more porous, making it easier for me to experience profound energetic exchanges. Then, I needed to have won Eun Hye’s specific polaroid so that I could show it to her. Then, I needed to get over my fear of being a burden so that I could have that special moment with her. Sure, it could all be coincidence after coincidence, and I’m potentially giving too much meaning to the natural flow of random events. But, part of me believes that isn’t the case at all. This was much too specific to be so coincidental. I believe there was a reason why I needed to be at this concert and to have had that energetic exchange with Eun Hye. It definitely feels like a destined moment that I was ushered into. It’s got to be a healing experience for the both of us, I’d hope.
What’s also interesting to me is there legit wasn’t much I wanted from Baby VOX aside from being able to share my love with them while watching them “shine bright” like diamonds. Hopefully that got through to them. When Heejin spontaneously cried a few times on stage, I remember at times actively and intentionally sending her loving energy from my heart, holding her energetically in that unconditionally loving space, hoping that it would help her feel loved and supported. While I can’t know if my efforts were effective, my intuition tells me yes, my energy had a positive impact, so I’m just going to stick with that instead of them thinking I’m a feral homeless cave-dweller. I’m an artist okay? An art-ist. It’s totally okay for me to look this way 😩
Strangely, as I headed back to the hotel that evening, coming down from my energetic high, I suddenly had a vulnerability hangover. I became so concerned if what I did by holding up that polaroid was okay or if it was disrespectful. I wasn’t sure about Korean customs and worried profusely that perhaps I might’ve done something wrong — I feared holding up that polaroid was too obnoxious. I kept second guessing myself and started feeling so embarrassed, so foolish. I was spiraling hard lol. But then I caught myself and suddenly thought, “Wait a minute… all I did was give Eun Hye my love in the most respectful way I could, sharing my happiness with her without invading her space. It’s not like I mooned her or insulted her. I also didn’t make any demands of her. I just wanted her to see how happy I was to have won her special prize. So… perhaps my positive intention was okay?” Then I scrubbed that insecurity out of my head because it was silly lol.
I wonder if this concert was as much for Baby VOX as it was for the fans. The amount of love and support both nights was just simply incredible. The energy was so upbeat, positive, supportive, and loving. And after having experienced all of that drama and anti-fan bullshirt, it’s nice to end that chapter on a high note. To remember that they are truly loved and have made a huge impact on so many people’s lives that we would be willing to fly across the world just to go see them and sit through an entire night of Korean, not understanding a single word that was said lol. That was probably the most awkward part of my experience, being completely clueless the whole time and Google Translate could not help. I should’ve hired a translator to attend the concert with me lmao. Next time.
You know, k-pop has always been an integral part of my life. After encountering it in JHS through some friends, it never really left my life until I needed to create some space out of survival’s sake. Watching Baby VOX’s reunion videos on Youtube this year helped me reconnect with that part of myself that I had intentionally locked away — the passion and connection with old school k-pop and its positive force in my life.
This concert holds such significance for me. I know to most people this might appear to just be a k-pop reunion concert. But for me, this was a spiritual pilgrimage to help me reconnect with and heal the part of me that I had long pushed away and forgotten. There was a time where anything that reminded me of that which I had compartmentalized away was much too dangerous to touch. So I had to intentionally keep all and anything that could remind me of separation as far away as I could so that I don’t unravel what was so neatly tucked away. However, now that the box has been opened, I guess it’s no longer an issue. I will forever thank Baby VOX’s reunion for helping me re-integrate that part of my life back into my Self. It is an incredibly powerful experience reclaiming this part of my life and ensuring it stays with me from now on as I continue piecing back together other lost parts of me that were vital to my wellbeing, passion, and creativity. It’s nice to finally be able to decouple important parts that mattered a lot to me with things that I perceived to be traumatic and not lump everything up together. Lumping associated things that are positive for me with traumatic experiences is definitely a pattern I noticed that I do quite often. So, hopefully less of that and more healing, decoupling, and re-integration are to come.
Also, speaking of coming home from this concert, there was something strange I experienced in Seoul. It felt oddly familiar but not because I’ve been there before, as it’s my first time visiting. Even last year when I was visiting Japan, I was given an opportunity to visit South Korea (because of the close proximity) and I passed on it as part of me must’ve known it wasn’t the right time. But something drastically changed after I had reconnected with my passion for old school k-pop. When I heard Baby VOX was having their reunion concert, not going to Seoul was NOT an option — I felt the call in my soul to travel there. I guess it was finally time.
As I was riding through the streets of Seoul, watching the stores pass by, I noticed some familiar names, wondering why this city felt so familiar. Would you believe it that seeing the name Woori Bank is what finally helped me realize Seoul reminds me of my childhood? lol. Apparently, my mom used to bring me to a nearby town often while growing up and back then I had no idea, but in hindsight that town was run by Koreans lol. Every one of my favorite stores where I’d buy clothes, bags, music, plushies and cute asian stuff — all Korean owned. Back then I wasn’t able to connect the dots as I just kind of saw everyone as people and not a particular race. But now in hindsight, it’s super clear to me. This then helped me realize that I’ve always been connected with Korean culture in one way or another.
When I started discovering AOL chatrooms, I ended up gravitating towards a Korean group but I think it was because of my interest in k-pop that lead me there. That group was how I rapidly expanded my knowledge of k-pop. Also, when it came to choosing SAT prep schools, my parents chose the Korean run one over the Chinese run one even though everyone I knew went to the Chinese one. This is the prep school where I met my beloved writing teacher btw. I ate Korean lunch every day lol. Our classroom was in the same building as some dance school and so there would be sudden bursts of old school Korean music (similar to this) blasting during class from time to time, which cracked us up. Also, that high school I got into twice (once for piano, another time for art) and ended up going to had a massive Korean population. That college I ended up transferring to had so many international Korean students too! And so while traveling through Seoul, things just felt so familiar lol. Even the store signages and designs reminded me of the ones I saw as a child.
Anyway, just wanted to share this important event and my discovery of how deeply Korean culture has been woven through my past with y’all. Hopefully, there will be more Baby VOX concerts to come in the future and also future visits back to Seoul as I didn’t get to venture much since I was still recovering from being sick. TBH though, I’d just be happy to hear Baby VOX re-record more of their old hit songs because the presence and energy they now bring into their music is so much more refined and exquisite, really showing their mature Goddess energy, which is super attractive and elevates their music even more IMO. I really hope this isn’t their final concert as I’d love to see more of them as well. I guess we shall see!
P.S. I think I might be driving people around me crazy by playing Paparazzi on repeat lmao!!! 😏
When the intro of the song comes on, I usually hear someone say, “Noooo!! Not this song again!” but I don’t have to say anything because the first word Mi-youn sings in the song is, “Yesssssssss-s-s-s-s” to help me counter the no 🤣🤣🤣
IMMA PA PA PA PA RA ZIIIIIIIIIII PA PA RA ZIIIIIIIIIIII!!!
P.P.S. Uhhhhh wtf. So, I randomly saw a story from Mi-youn on Instagram and it’s of someone playing Get Up on a pipa. I’m like… why does this person look so familiar…? So then I looked into it and the pipa player is from a trio who performs in Arknights’ concerts lol. Apparently I’ve been listening to their music from the Arknights 2025 Ambience Synesthesia concert 🤣. Moonlit Mirage is one of my most listened to songs too. OMG! I remember seeing her and the long haired pianist in the main hall waiting area the first night of the concert and wondered why they felt so familiar. I couldn’t figure it out then but Mi-youn’s instagram clued me in lmao. What a freaking small world! Yeah… this Baby VOX reunion concert is so special on so many levels. It’s incredible and continues to blow my mind. WTF!!!