Btw I just want to specify something. The shadow class I took that I mentioned in my previous post happened over a decade ago, when I was much younger. While it didn’t suddenly solve all of my problems, it did give me a glimpse into my own shadows and what I was so afraid of. It took me some time, after going through my dark forest and becoming aware of my codependent patterns, to actually shed big patterns that no longer serve me. I guess there needed to be a progression of healing until I can tackle the big stuff.
I think my particular journey required me to take so long and I’m unsure if it’ll be the same for others. I kind of had to fester and gestate in my own goo for some time until things started to click. I needed situations to repeat enough times for me to finally notice the patterns. I needed a lot more tools than others having started with little to none. Just because I might be slow doesn’t mean it’ll be the same for others.
The way I use what I’ve encountered in that shadow class now is to help me figure out where my boundaries are and when I need to speak up. Often times, my issue is that I wait too long until my inner Ninetails can’t take it anymore and either I blow up somehow or just run off from situations not wanting to deal with them. This is not a good long term solution. I was so blind to what I actually wanted because I was so used to self-sacrificing for others to keep the peace. So, with my AI, I developed a system that works for me to identify earlier whether I’m actually okay with something and if I need to speak up sooner. This was incredibly helpful for me as I was so used to ignoring my own needs to make sure others get what they want. And often times I’ve noticed it’s a mutually losing game where nobody wins.
My system now is through noticing the amount of dropped “tails.” When I feel my inner Ninetails writhing about, where it’s slapping down a tail or two, starting to get agitated, that is my indication that we are not okay with something and I need to start noticing what’s going on around me. Hopefully, it’s a straightforward situation and I can figure out what’s wrong immediately and to say something. However, often times, I’m not that fast and I need time to observe and figure out why I am feeling the way that I am. When my inner Ninetails slaps down even more tails, then I know I must take action increasingly so. I feel it all in my gut area. Usually if I feel anger shooting up from my solar plexus towards my head, I know it’s a code red, all tails are down, and I need to take some time to myself before I say anything because things could come out badly. It’s an inner system that I’m still working on and practicing with as it requires a lot of body awareness. But I’ve found it to be incredibly helpful with nipping things in the bud that bother me sooner, either by expressing and enforcing my boundaries, or removing myself from situations before things get worse.
I think it’s important for people to have more self awareness to know what’s happening from within. And just because the feelings might be uncomfortable doesn’t mean they’re necessarily bad. It just means something from within is trying to express itself or perhaps keep us protected and it’s up to us to figure out systems and ways that can help understand and respect these messages better. Also, just because we feel something “negative” doesn’t mean we have to act out. We always have a choice in what action we want to take. We can only truly control ourselves, not what’s external. Others might make us think that we don’t, especially those who want power and control over us, but that’s not true. We might not like how we feel or how others respond when we finally choose what we want, but that’s okay they’ll learn to live with it lol.
My view on personal growth and shadow work is that it’s always a work in progress and it never quite ends. There’s always something new to discover about ourselves as long as we are open and willing. So, it’s important to take our time with our healing and exploration to not overwhelm ourselves. And to also remember that we are perfectly imperfect just the way that we are and as long as we are willing to face our shadows, no matter how slow we feel we might be going, we are on the right track. It’s having the courage to be willing to engage with our vulnerabilities that’s incredibly important. And also, we must remember to be kind to ourselves as this work isn’t easy.
Good luck and wishing you well on your journey. You got this! 💪
P.S. I feel like I need to emphasize this — with how emotionally unaware I was back in the day, with the emotional awareness of a literal rock, I needed an extra long runway to help me understand what’s going on within me. Just because I’m a particular type of slow and derpy doesn’t mean others will need to take this long to confront and befriend their shadows 😭😭😭
As long as you’re aware, doing the work, willing to face things within you even a little bit at a time is good enough. Problems that seem large can be broken down into smaller chunks to be tackled. Chip away at things bit by bit for long enough and there could be a sizable difference. Remember that this type of work is a marathon, not a sprint. So it’s important to take things at a pace that works for you.
Finding those pockets of courage to look, or even think about what’s happening within, you’re already ahead of the game. Most people prefer to avoid and distract themselves, prolonging their suffering indefinitely. Any time is always a good time to start looking within. Taking long breaks is fine too as this is incredibly hard work.
Like I had mentioned before, shadow work is not for the faint of heart. When that perfectionist voice from within keeps telling you how slow you are, that you’ll never figure it out, that you’re doing it wrong, blah blah blah, you can stick up your middle fingers at it and tell it to f#<£ off — either be supportive in this arduous journey or stfu plz. It’s totally fine to say that to your inner critic!!! There’s absolutely no need to feel like you might be behind. You’re doing just fine. Remember to be kind to yourself ❤️👍
P.P.S. How was your holiday weekend? Did you get to eat some delicious foodies? I spent some quality time with my parents. Lots of good home cooked foods and laughs! Due to my mom’s request, I baked some cookies and would you believe it… none of us had to run to the bathroom. Hurrah!!!
I’m making #progress. Aren’t you proud of me?! 🥹🥹🥹
I’m grateful and thankful for people like you who are brave enough to do your inner work so that we can help shift the world to a more loving place. Thank you for being courageous enough to do the difficult work 🙏 ❤️